First it was North Myrtle Beach airheads running off the Spring Breakers in the early 1990’s.
Next it was the thousands of hair dressers, that flocked to Myrtle Beach in late May every year being treated like a migration of hookers by locals, before finally saying, “Forget about you Myrtle Beach!”
Then it was those wild ’n crazy Shriners, who were the next to fall victim to the “vacationer go home” trailer park mentality that has so disgustingly permeated the tourist town known far and wide as the Redneck Riviera, and subsequently left for the more hospitable and open-minded resort town of Virginia Beach, never to return.
Well loyal reader, now the “anything for a vote” pinheads on the Myrtle Beach C
ity Council and the corn pone hicks on Horry County Council are again groveling at the feet of a small but viciously vocal crowd of pea-brained nutcases who are now hell-bent on running off the vacationing motorcyclists that bring zillions of much needed dollars to the Myrtle Beach area each May.The “Ban the Bikers” klan of kooks, in homage to their deceased whacko zealot hero, Jerry Falwell, are all scurrying around town dressed in their silly little lime-green t-shirts, that make them all look like a bunch of portly, blue-haired Dipsy’s, (Dipsy, “The Dipstick,” was considered by Falwell and his minions to be the “gayest” of all the Teletubbies), emblazoned with sophomoric drivel like, “Stop the May-hem.”
Last week, while the "Ban the Bikers" dimwits and the empty-headed suck-ups on Myrtle Beach, Surfside Beach and North Myrtle Beach City Councils, along with the rocket scientists on Horry County Council were holding an anti-biker session, and whining about being inconvenienced and bemoaning the noise, their unanimous Presidential pick, John McCain was, at the very same time, at the Harley-Davidson Rally in Sturgis, South Dakota, telling 50,000 Harley aficionados that he preferred the roar of 50,000 Harley's over the cheers of a couple hundred thousand Berliners, and that the sound of 50,000 roaring Harley's was, “The sound of freedom!” (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRD4xseju44).
McCain even talked about entering his surgically enhanced Barbie doll wife, Cindy McCain, in the bikers’ x-rated Miss Buffalo Chip contest (See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4X6XqNeF1o).
Besides being really stupid, this obvious stupidity is really scary, because some of these Dunes Club based scalawags are so far out in left field that sometimes their utterances can make, Joseph Goebbels, sound like Mr. Rogers. It’s amazing to us that these reprobates are actually allowed outside without their protective helmets, much less allowed to play with sharp objects.
Add to all this anti-tourism insanity South Carolina’s rampant and widely publicized homophobia, and the local yokel politicos are now considering erecting medieval-like drawbridges over Myrtle Beach’s man-made moat, known as the Intracoastal Waterway, to prevent any of “those kind of people” from entering the Myrtle Beach area.
The Myrtle Beach Insider crew just learned that Myrtle Beach Mayor, John Rhodes, and the nutzo ringleader of the "Ban the Bikers" circus, Tom Rice-A-Cronie, just returned from a secret fact-finding mission to Germany, where they and their wacko delegation of fellow isolationists, met with former East German Soviet border guards to gather first-hand information on how to construct “visitor-proof” barriers, watch towers and guard houses; how to profile “those kind of vacationers;” how to train jack-booted crossing guards and vicious attack poodles and to begin recruiting Gestapo-like cretans to man their new Myrtle Beach Visitor Barricades at the new drawbridges.
The Myrtle Beach Insider crew hired a team of preschoolers to conduct a survey of members of the Myrtle Beach, Surfside Beach and North Myrtle Beach City Councils, along with the Horry County Council about their new “No Visitors” policy. We chose preschoolers to conduct the study because their intelligence level came the closest to mirroring those of the anti-biker Council members and their rabid, bug-eyed supporters.
The results of the survey was best summed up by Mayor Rhodes when, after he finished soliciting everyone within a 100-yard radius about more funds for his personal taxpayer “honey pot,” the infamous Beach Ball Classic, said, “Sure Myrtle Beach is in a recession, in fact, we’re actually in a depression, but we’re politicians so we don’t give a rat's patootie about business, we only care about votes. Hell, we’d all sell our first born for a few votes, and if that means killing the Myrtle Beach tourist industry in the process then that’s just tough toenail pal, so deal wid it Bro!”
“It’s silly to go on pretending that under the skin we are all brothers. The truth is more likely that under the skin we are all cannibals, assassins, traitors, liars, hypocrites, poltroons.” Henry Miller
Ah, and so the insanity continues on the Redneck Riviera!
